I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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