i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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