True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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