I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
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You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
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Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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