tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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