I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize