well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
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I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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