You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
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Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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