The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
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currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
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That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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