I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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