Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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