I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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