I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
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That reminds me...we need to get swords
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
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Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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