you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
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they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
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After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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