if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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