my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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