I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
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I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
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I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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