I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
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You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
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The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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