i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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