If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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