OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
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I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
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We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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