i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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