We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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