I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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