You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize