I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
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She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
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If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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