I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
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So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
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I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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