I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
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He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
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I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dicks are not precious.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize