dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize