I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want nice things and good sex
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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