it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You don't make any sense
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There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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