dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize