It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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