I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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