if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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