you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
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She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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