Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
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He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
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When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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