I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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