I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize