Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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