I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
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Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
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I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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