Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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