Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
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Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize