sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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