I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize