conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
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It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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