Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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