Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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