Little spoons don't ask big questions
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
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She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
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Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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