They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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